Thursday, January 28, 2010

Don't Mess with Texas..

So why does Ryan have to be so dramatic with his “cry for help”? I mean starting off the show standing on top of the building, no guard rails no room for error….This is how I read it…. “Simon please come back next year, please please, please don’t make my gravy train end, I mean it ……I will jump……” A bit desperate don’t ya think?

Well let’s start out with Doogie…….I mean who does this guy think he is? Getting through medical school by the age of 12, hosting the Oscars, fooling everyone by playing a straight man on “how I met your mutha”, and now guest judging on AI all in one’s lifetime……it’s down right embarrassing for the rest of us who have not accomplished crap next to this little saucy one. I am still in denial that he likes the snausage, that is right I used to watch Doogie Houser MD with great intent, and yes I wanted to be Wanda his girlfriend, who wouldn’t?? Being a stay at home girlfriend and riding his medical gravy train….think about how many scrunchies I could have purchased with his bank roll……but he does like the snausage except for Simon’s! I liked the battle, I liked his perspective, I liked his anti aging skin, and I like that he stood firm in his jazz hand decisions. I am just saying I might be okay with Simon leaving if the panel could permanently sit Mr. Harris and Ms. Perry.

On the complete flip side of things there is one Joe Jonas…….glad he got the claim as the “cute one” because he might not have a lot upstairs….he didn’t speak one word, seriously a whole day behind the table and not one comment or opinion to what is happening in front of you? His verbal skills are about as lame as his “chastity promise rings” he swears by….

Some other notables from last night

The flashback from to the first season with the girl who sang “Lady Marmalade” more offensive than that song was Simon’s little pudgy face and extraordinarily poufy hair. And I loved that NPH (Neil Patrick Harris) noticed that her letters got smaller on her poster board and straight up told her you should have started over…..I love a mind for details!!

Why does Randy only compliment the “heavier” girls who can sing with “wow you can really blow”?? Insert all overweight whale jokes here……

The Turrets guy – bless his heart and good voice. I see a lot of uncomfortableness in our futures as this guy will progress the same way Mr. Scott did last year. I also enjoyed that NPH called out the “white elephant in the room” because no one was saying anything….

I liked that Dexter, the guy with the afro Mohawk, stated himself as the next Americans idol. And did any one catch NPH’s gaydar go into full throttle?

The Barney girl……I totally recognized her from at least 15 VHS tapes in our house at this time. Funny! The Barney song is my nigh nigh song for my son that we sing together every night and somehow the whips and chains she incorporated just spoiled any future bedtime routines with my son.

Pinky Tuscadero – where do you even find a hot pink and teal leotard and hot pink track shorts to boot now a days? Guaranteed those were hand me downs from her 39 year old mom.

Can someone please confirm that I am not crazy? I think I saw Posh spice guest hosting AGAIN in a preview clip – please say it isn’t so……That will be one day where I am okay with my DVR not working properly….ugh.

Munson out…..

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


I don’t know about you but I am sort of ready to get it moving forward, I am not going to lie I don’t even find the pathetic people that entertaining anymore. I want a final 20, I want stylists that will shake things up, I want true challenges, I want the nerves to make people crumble, I want the “just not the right song choice” speech……..I think I want the auditions to be over……Don’t get me wrong I still love giggling at the dismal pool that they shove in front of the judges to make “good” T.V. but lets just say I would like the competitive blood that runs through my veins to be awakened that in turn will bring out the cat claws in unison! But I guess until then we will muster on week after week poking fun at the wretched folks who can’t sing, because honestly I thought last night they showed maybe two stories where the folks could actually sing…..and the rest were the sucky wanna be’s…..maybe that is it…….. Maybe there just isn’t enough heart tugging to stories to get me supper attached at this point. I mean last year they showed Scott with his perm and his blindness and I was hooked in 2.3 seconds…..This year – yeah we get it you are a single mom/dad or you randomly robbed a bank with a BB gun (still makes me giggle a bit at the guys seriousness when he told the story) but these aren’t inspiring stories where I want to scream from the top of my lungs like Michael Phelps mom at the Olympics…….I hope in Hollywood I will be more inspired……but until then….I am not dead there was still plenty to make fun of…… the following….

Avril Lavine – One bone to pick with you…..don’t say no to the pastor to advance just because he is married – I am so sure – sorry you can’t have a dream or a life because you have a husband and kids…..Just because you couldn’t keep your little Deryk Wimbly satisfied at home while you were on the road doesn’t mean this shaggy little pastor can’t.

The 168 IQ guy – was he on a treadmill? The sweating, the pig nose, the poofy hair, the nerdy proclamations about knowing everything, the lipstick heart he drew around his face in the mirror, the turret clicking in his jaw, the hairline growing out of the middle of his forehead…….ugh it was almost to much to take, but I like how he left us….”AI lost out today” and I was thinking no I did…if they let you advance you would have given me material until the finale!

No one told me the black vest with white t-shirt was a requirement for men last night?

Katy Perry – besides the ridiculous clown makeup and her choice in boyfriends I can latch onto this one. I like a girl who can speak her mind and even more so put Kara in her place. I give Kudos for giving her a jab at every opportunity that presented itself. Well done. I think someone was jocking for Simon’s job next year 

We might as well finish up with the two gayest contestants on earth

1.The Mic Jagger wanna be in the shinny where’s waldo shirt……who decided to do random jumping jacks while sitting on the floor…..I seriously may contemplate doing them myself seeing as he weighed about a buck o’ five.

2.Jason green – this was the guy that sang “I want to touch myself” while hitting on Simon. I felt like I walked into a Rocky Horror Picture Show scene while watching this train wreck. It was over the top and boarding on offensive…..I guarantee that guy will be behind bars in 5 years and a registered sex offender….just a guess.

That’s it for L.A.

Munson out.

Monday, January 25, 2010


Well thanks to a delinquint dvr listing at a house I was babysitting for and a random stranger at SteelCase I was able to get up to speed on the Orlando auditions....I don't know if a recap would be timely at this juncture but I would like to comment on the one LIL' guest judge.....
So how is it possible that a 35 year old face gets attached to a 7 year old body with a 12 year old's voice? Kristen Chenowith (Spelling???) she is an odd duck, super cute and bubbly no doubt but I seriously think she needed a booster seat to see over the table to be able to judge the contestants...
Relating to the actual contestants, yes there were some good ones and some good stories However nothing earth shattering enough to waste my time on when I have a fully loaded DVR with Modern Family, Greys Anatomy, and Brothers and Sisters from last week.....Sorry for the lamo recap....I will save my strength for tomorrow!!
Munson out.....

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Black Wednesday.....

It was a sad dark gloomy night at our house last night as I hunkered down at 9:30 with a full belly from eating out and topping it off with dessert and some elsastic waistband pants.....only to find out my DVR DIDN'T tape AI....wah wah wah - sad to say it might be the first time in 9 seasons that I have COMPLETELY missed an's really pathetic as I type this, I do realize that. So with that being said I would love to hear all the juicy bits from last night - I don't even know was there a guest judge....Can someone step up to the plate?

Munson out....

The Windy City....

So I felt a bit nostalgic when they started out the show in my home town, I felt like I arrived home when I heard all the truck driving f-bombs being fired, and the spectacular views of what the city has to offer…..but then it just went down hill, I mean yes there were those few crazies that gave us all a chuckle, but other than that I felt like it was a whole lot of nothing last night. There was a lot of editing and not so many actual auditions. I felt like perhaps they didn’t show a lot because there wasn’t much to show and I guess I felt a bit disappointed that my “roots” didn’t represent more……

Someone who did represent herself was one Shania Twain…I think I am finally hoping on board with every other male that saw her in her leopard hooded coat about 10 years ago….she is one classy pretty lady. If I could age as gracefully as she is I would say bring on Menopause I am ready. I thought she had normal things to say, presented herself well what I didn’t like was the following:
1.The obnoxious smitten flirting that Simon was FORCING upon her, seriously at one point in time I thought he was sitting IN her lap.
2.Now I know Shania is all about the “swap” (you US readers will understand) but isn’t she with her best friends ex husband as we speak, she should have not lead poor Simon on to be such a fool last night when obviously she is taken.
3.I didn’t enjoy that Kara claimed her as “penning the greatest pop songs ever” ummmm I know I belted it loud and proud with a bit of flair to my head tilt, but I am sorry if the lyrics “So you’re Brad Pitt….” constitutes “penning the greatest pop songs” than Mr. Obama our country is in a bigger crisis than you think, we need to throw healthcare to the side and focus up on this desperate issue.
4.I also didn’t like her brief “Paula moment” when she couldn’t stop flinging her shirt tie and acted all giddy when she started referring to someone’s lower ranger in their voice…..I will give her the benefit of the doubt since I no doubt think she was distracted by Simon’s anaconda that was slithering up her thigh under that desk of theirs……

Okay seriously enough about Shania – you would think I would be switching teams with as much as I was boasting about her stunning smile and luxurious locks…..I digress….
Any who…. Some other highlights from last night were the following….
1.The boob pump…secretly funny but ridiculous…..I tried it, I think I almost had the reverse effect since I was already in jammies and felt it nearly impossible to heave them off my abdomen….
2.I loved the homage to Carlton and the fresh prince with “it’s not unusual”
3.I enjoy the mom who had the nerve to express “ahh-hell-to-the-no” to Simon’s face.
4.The high pitched, tip-toeing, Tiny Tim guy that had more facial tics than a Jim Carey in The mask – I wanna say this guy was for real with the tip toe – bless his heart.
5.I love these guys who get the golden ticket and have to call home to tell MOM….WTF….Mom seriously you can’t put the tuna bake casserole down for one minute and join your child in this journey…..I am so sure….now I know they gots to work to support etc etc….but come on that is what PTO is for! Call your grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins but your Momma should be standing outside that door to tackle you to the ground in some obnoxious proud parent moment not screaming into a cell phone 10,000 miles away.
6.I love Harold Davis saying the only reason he wants to “make it” is so he can eat steak! Goodness….has he not heard of sizzla? I also enjoyed that he got sad and started crying when he got 4 “No” and then blamed his tears and frustrations on allergies……Damn it if only he had some Claritin I am sure he would have made it to Hollywood.
7.Lastly, Long Duck Dong was really good, but can an Asian really pull off the Zac Effron hair cut? I didn’t like it one bit…..

That’s it – lamo Chi-town.
Munson out.

Friday, January 15, 2010

General Larry....

Just in case you missed it - I can't seem to get enough - General Larry will be back for the finale I can guarantee it!!

Thursday, January 14, 2010


Well truth be told I was pleasantly surprised when my alarm went off this morning and I didn’t race to hit the snooze button and you want to know why…’s because I heard this:

“Pants on the ground…..Pants on the ground…..Gold in the mouth….hat turned sideways… got ur Pants on the ground….Pants on the ground….”

Apparently it’s sweeping the airwaves and is scheduled to hit Ryan’s top 40 by the weekend…..OMG the tears that were in my eyes with this catchy little number last night. Good Ol’ General Larry gave everyone a run for their money last night because there was no doubt you were humming the little ditty as you walked up to bed last night or because I even caught my boss singing it this morning….it’s sweeping the nation……I expect the video to “drop” next week……..ahhh too much.

Here is the highlight/agitation comment list from last night.

•When did Mary J. become Latino? Perhaps I have never heard her speak before? I am confused?
•When you come in to sing “my heart will go on” don’t say “I am going to sing the Titanic song…”
•What is with sluggish Randy not wanting to get out of the car ….he was all like “ugh I can’t go in there just yet” Seriously you have to sit and say if you like someone or don’t for a few hours and get paid millions of dollars….I would like to personally hand deliver him to the unemployment line in Michigan so each and every person standing in line could get a crack at him……
•Chris and I bet how many times they would reference “hot-lanta” and surprisingly it was only 5.
•Why does Kara look like she is always rubbing one out? (sorry moms) she is always biting her lip and grooving I don’t approve…..
•Bridge jumper/hillbilly – are you real? You didn’t seem like it as you mentioned the following …..I get to ride an AREO-plane Wow holy hick I almost felt bad for the socially inept cross-eyed girl until she said “are you cereal” goodness……
•Yes the BFF twins were annoying and predictable but my vote completely swayed for the not so good girl when she said she was going to sing “Jizz in my pants” a true classic – I am not lying it’s on our IPOD sung to the tune of the pet shop boys by one Adam Sandburg….YouTube it, it’s worth it.
•All I am saying if you bring 40 people with pom poms to cheer you on wouldn’t you be really confident you would make it – the large “awwwwhhhhh” from the entire squad was embarrassing.
•The guy with nine lives……please in your next life come back as an orthodontist.
•My suggestion if you have neck acne a tank top is probably not your best choice.
•Okay can we talk about the over usage of percentages….don’t get me wrong I am a numbers gal, I like to break it down to fractions, percents, decimals if I have to…all I am saying can we stop with the 100% yes, 1000% yes….I am not lying Randy literally said last night and I quote “I am a million, thousand, one hundred and ten percent behind you” Uncalled for Mr. Jackson uncalled for……
•What is with Lamar the “f-bomb” guy……The FCC must have been loving that.
•And how can we not close her down without talking about SKI-BOW-SKI…..I seriously didn’t think it was possible to have someone talk in more Ebonics than our own Randy – but even he couldn’t understand him…. “Isn’t it ironic” I truly enjoyed the misprint iron ons…the discount comment ….the dollar store references, you betta watch your gin and juice Mr. Snoop dawg…..Ski-bow-ski is on the prowl.

That’s it
Munson out….

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Here we go Season 9

Okay well here we go……off onto a FIVE month journey (yep that is right) I just looked back and it goes all the way until the mother of May!! But you know what?? I don’t think there will be any complaining of long two hour episodes, EVERY day of the week this year. I feel like in the wake of the breaking news that this will be Simon’s last season as a judge I need to pull up the bootstraps and dive in from start to finish this year because let’s face it the show will fade quickly without Mr. Cowell. I mean really it just becomes Star Search without the face and the name that made it what it is today……so with that being said I feel like I need to give it my all before Ryan just turns into another Ed McMahon and waits for the stroked induced Mr. Clark to hand over the throne for good.

I can’t believe I am already going to say this, but I think I miss Paula……not so much for her unbelievable “experience” with the music industry but more for the backbone of my blog……let’s face it I will be hard pressed to come up with things to talk about with Kara and R2D2 as judges……yep a whole lot of empty space floating around with those two chicks….. First let’s circle back to R2D2 and by this reference to the famous robot I am talking about Victoria “posh spice” Beckham. Holy cow what a waste of real estate – seriously I could have place a mannequin from Macy’s and would have gotten the same amount of feedback that she gave……no facial expressions, no slouching, no quick movements it was like watching “Emmy” in the store window from the award winning 1997 movie “mannequin” – Speaking of 1997 I enjoy that they used that same year to explain her past credits as a recording artist when she was in the Spice girls….as much as it pains me to age myself when I type this but that was seriously 13 years ago and since then all she has done is walk around as a bobble head trophy attached to her talented husband’s arm. So as you can tell I am elated to get the Ellen train started…..Choo Choo…..I hope she doesn’t disappoint I dig her sense of humor and hope she will add smiles and giggles to my nightly viewing.

I would also like to give a shout out to my DVR system……I seriously love you. Not only for the 40+ minutes you saved me in commercials last night (absurd right?!) but I can’t tell you how many times just last night Chris and I watched a segment in slow mo…or rewound it to replay something that just made us pee our pants……I could recap but I doubt most of you are willing to extend the two hour process like I am in order to catch these nuances that will keep me up typing about them……

So it is early in the game so I can’t possibly comment on all the ridiculousness, the heart felt stories, the twinge of hope for the “this is my dream” moment……but I will however state a few items that I thought were worthy…..

• When did Simon borrow Robin William’s forearms? Holy sweater batman…..
• Could Posh spice possibly really weigh 10 lbs less once she removes her makeup? I mean come on that is pushing below 80 lbs….and now that just makes me pissed as I clean up my plate of nachos.
• I enjoy how they had to “open” up the show with the “crazy hook” you know the girl in the pink half shirt that liked to accentuate her gut by constantly jumping up and down and never removing the deodorant balls that were layered ten rows deep in her pits that the camera kept focusing on….are the only women self conscious of their abdomens ones that have birthed children, if so, this girl was definitely NOT a mutha…..But to sum it up Chris final words were “figures she is an accountant” god love him…..and gotta love the turds they like to highlight.
• The “holla” guy – bless this guys soul for being brave enough to bare his Bobby Brady puberty moment with all of America……..and I enjoy that he stated I love “hollering” like it is some great American pastime.
• I am not going to lie Amadio, the Italian meathead……scared the crap out of me….him and his brothel of cousins pounced on my little Ryan like he was the football at the fourth and goal play. And PUH-leeezzzzeeee 28 years old….he looked 40 and that is partly just me talking crazy jealousy talk since I apparently will be turning 9 years older than him very shortly…….
• I really enjoyed the acne induced Jesus bible belter stopping to smell the flowers all while a huge gust of wind blew his Pantene pro-v hair back to catch all the action…..gotta love these producers.
• The Black horned rimmed glasses guy…..Let’s just say I could totally see Norman Gentle coaching this guy…..what an act…..come on he was a decent looking guy who just threw on huge rimmed glasses, greased his hair down and got all lippy in order to get “on-air” – glad he didn’t make it I couldn’t stand to see the bet continue.
• I am going to call it now…….best makeover to come ……the Roger Daltrey 70’s look a like, he was a really good singer and had a massive square jaw line….all I am saying give this guy to the Makeup crew, some new teeth and a haircut and I could see people getting surprised…..
• I couldn’t not mention the guy who looked like Kris Katan with Sheila E’s perm wearing the Michael Jackson sequin vest with random silver butterflies on his elbows, Harley Davidson biker gloves and an etch a sketch beard to boot……there was a lot of effort in this look and I would like to give this guy an “A” for effort…..
• Looking forward to Bosu’s moms head wraps to come…..

Well we are off and running folks I hope you have your seat belt on for this glorious ride!!

Munson out....