2nd 12 of 36.....

Okay so I read in USA Today, yesterday that apparently numbers are down for this season for idol – about 8 million! I don’t know if I can handle any more bad news. First the economy and now AI is going in the tanker! Please can a sista get some relief! Simon blamed it on the bright lighting the first week and as I read it I was like really?? It wasn’t because people are sucking out on that stage and we don’t want to see people suck at this stage of the game? Really are people really turning off the tube claiming that the lights are too bright? Can you imagine “Chris immediately turn that thing off the glare, I just can’t stand it anymore – it is burning my eyes” as if it was of Kryptonite power. Ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous lets mention a few notables before we get to the contestants.
Wondering…. do you think Randy was going deep sea diving after the show? Did you get a glimpse of the size of his flava flav watch?
Alexis – our girl winner from last week – did anyone notice she is the size of a munchinchi? Perhaps it was because she was standing next to oil rigger dude – but seriously I thought if he farts he might break her tiny little body.
Paula…..hmmm I am glad she could make it after she was done attending the dinner at the Falcon Crest mansion. What was with that dress that was a direct throw back to Joan Crawford? And I think in all the rush to leave the dinner party and make it to set she forgot to comb out her flat ironed bangs and manage all that backcombing……
Here are some AWESOME eloquently stated “quotes” I caught last night – Bravo and well put…….
Paula “ I did hear you go for it and bring what you brought to it”
Randy “you slayed it” (with much enthusiasm)
Randy on numerous occasions “you blew it out of da box”
Randy “u drop dead!”
I couldn’t be happier that these folks are making millions of dollars for their input!

Okay on with it.

Jasmine - #1 could she be any cuter. Bitch. What happened?? I was so impressed and such a huge fan during Hollywood week, but Rut Roy….not so good last night. And I hate to say it because it IS so cliché but “wrong song” – Did you see how pissed her mom was in the audience – honestly I don’t know if she was mad that her daughter just stunk up the stage or is just thinking “seriously my one chance for a national TV interview and ratings had to be down last week and now they cut the parent interviews? What Bs***!” poor mom.

Matt G. – This was the guy from KZOO – so of course I was hoping on board that Justin Timberlake looking train to support my roots, but why did he have a vibrator in his mouth the whole time – what is with all the virbrato and over singing? Sorry boy back to dueling piano bars and bachelorette parties for you!

Jeanine – This girl was the black version of Simon’s old girlfriend Terri Seymour – I think that is why she got through to Hollywood. She also had a little Leona Lewis look kicking – another pet project of Simons – so my point being she wasn’t good but slid on in on her impersonations of Simon’s ex and his protégé. Yes I will admit she had great legs and perhaps a pantyhose company will be calling you soon. But I am afraid you are going to need those great gams to walk yourself back home!

Norman – OMG – so I am feeling like this could be a whole separate post by itself….where to begin? I feel like it was his own personal transgender crisis being played out on National TV. I absolutely LOVE that he made it this far and still has the buffalo balls to come out in his headband/wristbands/khaki shorts and white tails no less!
There were so many moments that I admired him for….
The caressing of the AI sign (did this remind anyone of an inebriated Chris Munson at any and every Halloween party we have attended?)
Him calling out Doogie howser in the middle of his song that was in the audience
The chest pumping “bow bow”
Oh and for the love of all things that are good the homage to Ralph Machio and Mr. Miaggi with the Final Karate Kid kick. I just wanted to wrap him up in a sparkly shirt ball and pop him in my mouth!
His Dad actually showing genuine pride for his son acting like a total fruitcake on a national platform! Bless your heart dad!
I seriously have never laughed/cried/bellyached or felt like I got my monies worth as much as I did when I got to watch the treat that is Norman Gentle. I would love to see him advance but I know in my heart of hearts it wouldn’t be fair to someone who is really good and doesn’t want to perform at the Bird Cage cabaret the rest of their lives.

And as much as I don’t enjoy her I have to give credit where credit is due – Kara showed an ounce of worth last night in her comment of “You wear the same shirt every week, much like Simon” nice one you good for nothing judge.

Allison – (red hair rocker) okay I was dreading her performance after her AGGONIZING interview last night. Now I know she is young and inexperienced – but if Ryan Seacrest asks you a question, darn it spit something out of that ½ metal infested yapper of yours! Something – anything….ugh it brought me back to the days of the Jason Castro (white guy dreadlock guy) from last season! Then all of a sudden she grabbed the microphone, the music cued and before you knew it I was fist pumping and getting my lighter out. I thought she was AWESOME and so up my alley voice wise – way to rock it out little one. But then as soon as music stopped and the Ryan questions started she was immediately stricken and back to sputtering words worse that our own Paula Abdul. Did anyone catch that her mom was straight up hyperventilating with her head between her knees and they just pan back to the daughter to tell her how great she is with no concern for the mom? Funny!

Kris – Don’t remember this cat from H. at all. What a cutie why didn’t he get more air time? Oh perhaps it is because his dumb name is spelled with a “K” really this is the only thing this guy has going against him at this point. He had me at “gonna make a difference…..” #1 he picked one of my favorite MJ songs EVER #2 he sang it really well & #3 he wore a version of a members only jacket that I secretly enjoyed. So Kara didn’t like him (stupid girl) but Paula liked him and Simon agreed with Paula – my point here being did anyone notice the look on Paula’s face when Simon agrees with her? It is like she just won homecoming queen and all the “Carrie” blood is spilling over competitor (Kara) I was waiting for her to turn to her and start screaming “plug it up, plug it up!”

Megan – adorable blond Daryl Hanna from splash girl. – she was very Amy Weinhouse to me which I enjoy minus the random mic jagger looking body and cocaine habit. That is one serious tattoo she has kicking – at first I thought it was one of those tattoo sleeves that you buy which then reminded my of Carleys creepy girl face that stared at all of us last season. She was good – I have a feeling she will not get through tonight but will get by with a wild card later.

Matt – welder dude – Chris made a good point he has that quintessential look that every bar bouncer in America has. I will have to tell you I am getting tired of the “I am doing it for my family” speech – Bullshit – you are up there to live the dream – with or without your family in tow….yeah I said it….and you are all thinking it! Great song – I love Tonic it took me back to the days of belting out that song as I drove in my probe. Yes, I do realize that the song is not that old and yes I was still driving a probe, but I was Rockin’ it yo……I didn’t think he was as bad as they made him out to be, but lets be honest he isn’t a winner.

Jesse – she has a good voice – but last night she appeared to be in pain and shaking profusely while singing “Betty Davis eyes” Don’t think it was good enough and why does she feel it necessary to have a 5 minute candid conversation with each of the judges….let’s remember Paula, Kara and Randy don’t have that kind of stamina to hold conversations that long!

Kai – I just would like to ask the question “what is the end vision for that hair of yours?” Are you in a painful grow out stage or are you aspiring to a Kenny G or a Carrot Top like do? I am just saying get those tresses pulled together. He was okay for me – not over the top good but not over the top bad.

Misha – she sang drops of Jupiter – not much to say I think she could have been better and she could understand sarcasm a bit more when Simon said “you act like you are 50” and she responds “I swear I am not 50” My friend, he didn’t actually think you were 50… OH VEY!

Adam – I would like to start out by saying “I pity the fool” what is with the Mr. T starter set….he was actually more over accesoried than Paula for the love. On another pointless note I must ask where he gets his flat iron – great results. He is good but sort of for another era. I felt like someone was pinching his balls in a vice grip – it is like he is 15 years past his prime and Markey Mark you should thank your lucky stars because Adam would have totally been in the running for the movie “Rock Star” I would like to see how this Adam progresses – otherwise I am sure there are some openings in some Slaughter, white lion, Cinderella, skid row tribute band!

My guess would be Allison/Kris/Norman Adam

Munson out…….