Well here we are again folks – there are still too many folks to be concerned with but things are FINALLY back to normal – Paula has hopped back on the crazy train and thought she was going to a Halloween Party dressed as Cleopatra and is back to fumbling to get a full sentence out of that flapper now that we are live. Randy is back to speaking in sentences that even the folks in Cabrini Green couldn’t translate and everyone is “booing” Simon for being the only one with something sensible to say…..and Kara she really isn’t back to anything…..which I guess is my point – why is she there again??
Okay so I am having a little bit of AI amnesia….is it weird that these 3 people will sing one time and then all of a sudden are in the final 12 and practically going on an AI world tour? How the heck did they do it last year? I can’t remember – but my only consoling thought would be could this season possibly be shorten and may end prior to Thanksgiving Day? And here we go with the two hours again…. Do you think the IRS would take my plea? – “sorry I couldn’t find the time to do my taxes and everyone else’s because AI is on during every waking moment of my free time. Could you please build something into that god forsaken stimulus package to account for that issue that I am sure the bulk of the American people are dealing with” Suck on that Obama….
I digress….
Okay so the groups were OBVIOUSLY set up with “weeding out” in mind – there were definite winners and losers placed together in order to make it quite obvious in my mind – but I guess this would be a lame recap if we didn’t address all of them…..
Jackie – AKA Debra winger – I was waiting for Mr. Gere to come sweep her off her feet and carry her offstage – does anyone else find a great resemblance? She is a bit of an odd duck – I enjoy her feisty personality, however I am not sure I enjoyed her decision to tunnel Annette Funichello on her way to jazzercise class and Run DMC circuit 1991. And then really her parents are going to bust out the I “heart” my daughter t-shirts the very first show? ……..easy tiger. Bottom line she is not good and we shall all wave a thankful good buy to her and her spandex.
Ricky – my favorite was that in reviewing that he served chicken fingers for a living he goes “I really don’t love what I do” News flash turd NOONE who serves chicken fingers loves what they do……he was okay – just ay-ite if you will……not blown away but he was decent, his maroon Hugh Heffner velvet smoking jacket did not help his case with me, but the vocals were there….so please “Ricky bobby” sing your heart out so you can for the love leave those crispy fried pieces of poultry behind! And again with the parent interview “the Braddy bunch” is this a requirement this season? Ugh.
Alexis – Very cute I like her; she is very blondie-esque. I feel like she has got the package – didn’t quite remember her as being that great during auditions – but last night she nailed it (yeah so what I said it.) Not much more to say on her so in a small rage of jealousy since I have nothing to make fun of her for –I am just going to say Bia-tch.
Brent – I know you are struggling – it gets me right here (envision a fist pounding on the heart) but son, my friend, lay off of the hick country music – it is part of your demise. I know I am probably offending 95% of people on this email – but F-it you should too – it is just dumb music – there is a reason that the “you’re probably a redneck if” joke was coined……also if you are being compared to Buckey Covington you are digging your self a mighty deep grave. His performance not good and did anyone catch his over usage of the “bon jovi” hand move – lay off Brent that is my boyfriends move. Finally did you see his wife totally cut off Ryan Seacrest’s interview with her to hug her hubbie – I just turned to Chris and said sorry if Ryan is talking to me I am all ears and we can embrace at a later date while I empty the dishwasher and watch the real contestants compete…..I am just saying.
Stevie – ummm Stevie is about to leavie……..(Props… Chris) just plain awful not worth the time and what is this D-U-M-B Taylor Swift song – ugh. Perhaps she will get picked up by Biore as a sponsor to take care of those excessive bumps on her forehead.
Anoop – has the makeup and stylists not gotten involved at this point yet?? …..all I am saying is some attention and maintenance needs to be paid to those brows…..I like him he is good, but they need to do a episode where they “pimp his look” Was anyone else taken aback when they interviewed the mom and dad – I don’t know why but the boot leg jeans and sweater threw me for a loop – I guess I was envisioning full Indian garb….
Casey – AKA Vanessa Hudgens from HSM. She is a cute girl even though her hair looked like a wig – my best advice to you would be book your agent and have them call
Michael – oil rig dude. Singing “I don’t want to be anything than what I am supposed to be” Well guess what my oil rigging friend you get to go back on Monday morning…..buh bye!
Ann Marie – forgettable – plain and simple.
Steven – sang MJ… now I know David Cook did things to MJ’s songs that were very cool but you could not hang brother…..perhaps forgetting the words in Hollywood was a telling sign of what was to come. Did anyone notice Ryan say “I know your wife is at home and couldn’t make it” Ummm HEELLLOOOO your hubbie is on AI in the final 36 – this is the time to call in sick to work, to hire that babysitter, call upon friends and family to pick up the slack – I am so sure can you imagine – Sorry Chris good luck with that AI thing next week I have to get to book club.
Tatiana - When oh when can we be done with the deep dramatic heavy breathing? Has anyone noticed she is a 22 year old with 44 year old Oprah arms….I did.
Such an act last night – it was so annoying I guaranteed she was on some dosage of Prozac after her family and friends caught a glimpse of her in Hollywood – and can we please stop with “this is my dream” speech? Guess what sister – people are not being forced at will to try out for AI it is EVERYONE’s dream (including myself…tear tear sniff sniff) so shut the pie hole.
Danny – sometimes when I watch him I feel like I am watching a volleyball match – it’s almost too easy – bump, set, spike….. Good looking/sob story/confidence/a graspy awesome voice – like I said bump, set, spike. He was so strategically placed last for a reason – we get it Danny for President. I have been a fan ever since our love affair in the airport…..Now I am certainly not one to talk English/grammar – numbers is my game….. but really Paula, “I have two words for you with a hyphen” sold out arenas? I am just saying….
Okay so my predictions are Danny, Alexis and either Annop or Ricky to advance.
Munson out.
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