YEE HAW...... COWBOY

Sweet, two hours of whiny lyrics, toe tapping beats, songs about drinking bud, roping horses, and pick up trucks…..Let me grab my gear because I truly have to pull one up from the boot straps to try and enjoy this. Now I am not judging those folks that enjoy a little country twang, who am I kidding, yes I am ….that is pretty much what I do and the premise of this blog. I don’t get it, not one bit – I think the music is boring and I seriously recognized ONE song from 11 last night – even with current artists like Carrie I was like what Jesus is driving now? What? So to make a long complaint short I hated every second of it, I am not saying country hasn’t done wonders for a lot of people but I can’t relate and was a bit bored last night.

First Randy Travis…..Why is his shaped like an alien? It is triangular in form and his deep sunken eyes – he was a bit creepy to look at and I had to put my sunglasses on half way through because my pupils couldn’t dilate anymore from looking at his over “whiten” teeth. So 22 number one hits eh? Can’t say I know one of them………

Ahhhhh Paula – did she forget she was 4 ft 1 inch? Summer Hawaiian dresses are not supposed to have trains on them and did anyone notice that her melons were seriously “resting” on the table all night – it as if she was using them as a kickstand to keep her drunk head a float…..uncalled for! And what is with the random hole in her chest? It is as if Tiger Woods took a swing and forgot to replace his divot……she is an odd one……

Ryan for the love of cancer ……let’s get your soon to be leather patch face out of the sun!

Randy Jackson – wondering if his contract allows him to say more than two words at a time? Cuz all I heard was…..
That’s hot
That’s current
That’s now
Tender dawg
Da Bomb
Brung it.

Now this is has nothing to do with AI but I am in the mood to Bitch – what is with the hellaious Old Navy commercials?? I know we all DVR this and FF through the commercials, but I even get annoyed watching it at four times faster….anyone? or is it just me?

Okay back on track….

Michael – I felt like this was the poor mans rap. There were so many words jammed into a 3 minute time frame after a while it felt like he was singing supercalafragilistic exbealedosious………It was annoying and seriously the only words I understood were pick up truck and that is only because it is a requirement in any country song.

Allison – AHH the love songs these crazy country folk come up with
Cheatin’
Double dealing
Lying
Two timing
They really have a way with words…..its riveting and breathtaking all at the same time. We all know she has the “pipes” (Using Randy Travis’ overstated phrase) and will be around for a while.

Kris – HORRIBLE HORRIBLE song – are they making these up?? But who the F cares YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY! I enjoyed the many close-ups but felt threatened by Randy and Simon tagging him as the tender puppy…..leave the pet names to me and step off my territory with my “hottie” I am just saying…….

Lil Rounds – First of all the hilarity of Simon not knowing the difference between Lil and Little was classic – but in his defense it is a bit of an absurd name and bordering on obnoxious. I was happy to see the Rhianna bangs go away although it made her look 20 years older, I only wish Rhianna would follow suit just so we could see what Chris really did to her!! Anywho…..I know her gig isn’t country, and neither is mine, but I am pretty sure country folks don’t wear red strapless gowns and diamond necklaces…….

Adam – The close ups are killing me – can you say PROACTIV? There are more pot holes on that face than 1-94, and I am not faulting him for that – it’s the 20 lbs of make up that is used to fill the gaps that is gross and creepy! Lay off the foundation! We have all had blemishes – stand proud…. we can all relate! Okay the song – I am not a fan of the original – but goodness the injustice he did to Mr. Cash was unheard of – I mean literally he deserves to be “thrown” into a ring of fire for what he sang last night. Too many people like him, so I don’t think he will go home however he will be thrown in the bottom three in order to boost ratings…

Scott – Thank you surfer boy, thank you for listening……I definitely noticed some product and some flattening going on, thanks for helping a brother out. He was okay nothing fantastic. But what is with Paula telling him to loose the piano? That is like telling Amy Weinhouse to leave the crack at home, that is like telling Lance Armstrong he needs two balls to compete in the tour de France…..That is like telling Paula to wear a t-shirt and jeans…..its absurd and mean and I hated her for saying it……The fact that she actually suggested that he needs to work on his showmanship on stage….Yes Paula he will get right on that and work on his Thriller routine…..I am so sure!

Alexis – What’s with all the prom dresses with the country theme? I was waiting to see some skin tight jeans, some cowboy boots, belt buckles, hats, and spurs…….but nada just some sparkly numbers that didn’t correlate for me…..She was okay last night, and I am glad she is setting a fine example for her child “If I come back next week I promise to bring DIRTY” daughter is beaming with pride I just know it.

Danny – Who does he think he is P-Diddy in the every breath you take video – the white jacket was absurd – I enjoyed his understated non colored glasses this week – he sounded good, but again what is Jesus doing driving…..these songs, really people listen to these?

Anoop – Bow Wow Wow Yippie Yo Yippie Yah…….The noop dawg is back in the house…..This is the one song I did recognize and I thought he did it justice and I am glad he left the “hip hop” per say at home – he does have a good voice when he simmers down a bit. I think he just bought himself another week and Jorge you might want to post a want ad for a roomie at the local market – I am not sure Anoop will be joining you yet!

Megan – Ummm holy melons batman! Where the heck did those things come from? My hubbie is going to be so sad he missed last night……..My verdict is still not out on this minnie Ella Fitzgerald, I feel like she “talks” the song more than she “sings” and I feel like it should be getting old and annoying, but find myself still liking it…….this is a tuff one.

Matt – He is good – he is coming into his own, because the first week I would have sent him packing…. I am glad he is focusing up…..however; does anyone else want to pick that butterscotch chip off his forehead? I do…..

So I would say bottom three Megan, Adam, Michael – with Michael going home.

Munson out.