1980-1992.........

Well, well ,well Comcast…..You may have duooped me once, but not this time, my very smart husband (self- pronounced) somehow had a premonition and decided to DVR the next show after AI, since we somehow seem to be getting cut off more often than not as AI usually runs over because of Paula’s diarrhea of the mouth. So I did catch Adam’s performance last night – so Touché – you will not win this time, although I wish you had Adam’s performance as you will hear below was not one to write home about even though Mr. Cowell gave it a standing O…….

So Kara last night – did her outfit look like every woman over the age of 80? You know that empire waist look where the woman’s slacks are hiked over the belly bulge and practically tucked under the bra as if it would possibly fall off those muffin tops full of retirement home slop…..I wasn’t a fan. I do however like how she is “more technical” (again self proclaimed) in her review and it just sends Paula into a sweat induced frenzy…….I like to watch it unfold, I enjoy the uncomfortable ness…..

Speaking of Paula…..Chris and I decided she is like a marionette, however her “handler” from above somehow is having seizures or is high on acid as he can’t control her spastic movements. Case in point the pure fact that she finds it necessary to get up and dance like “were going to party like it’s 1999” is on even when it is a slow subdued song proves that “her handler” needs medical attention he needs to get a grip so she doesn’t have arms flailing and her head rocking to the beat of “hells bells” while Scott is singing “the search is over” ……..

And a random note did anyone catch the creepy Max Hedrum wax figure in the audience? He was motionless and I couldn’t understand what the point of him was, I thought it might have been a statue of Ryan Seacrest, but there was no mention of it all show…..Bizarre.

Danny – 1980 – umm I don’t think “stand by me” came out in 1980, perhaps a remake was, but I think he should loose by default – I mean 1980 of all the songs to pick from………..Although he sings it good (like Paula usually says – he could sing the phone book) but I didn’t like his “version” and as a side note – I am sort of getting sick of this phenomenon of “your version” (insert Adam) – sometimes things are just good and don’t need to be changed (i.e. stand by me…..or a Reese peanut butter cup – now why would you make it whipped?) I would like to thank Danny for paying homage to the 80’s and wearing his bright purple shirt with pride last night!

Kris – 1985 – Ahhh a dream of a taxi driver – such aspirations…..haha thought that was really funny! Okay again SONG CHOICE – really 1985 and you pick “all she wants to do is dance” seriously put your vajay jay away and pick a real song (no offense Mr. Henley I am sure I have busted out a few “Carltons” from fresh prince to your song, but come on……) And they way he performed – ugh how much stage presence can you really have when you have a harem of 500 girls within 4 cm circumference of you? Annoying, who is he think he is Elvis? And I feel a bit sad to admit that it just might not work out for Kris and I after I realized he weighs about 93 lbs, I came to this terrible realization as I was inserting an ice cream sandwich into my mouth and then looking at his waist size, I might crush the poor boy…….I must bid you ado….my little anorexic sweetheart. I will have to enjoy you through vision only……

Lil – 1985 – Well she had the dance moves spot on last night – but that was about it….the vocals, as well as we all know she can sing, were not good – why isn’t this chick stepping it up – I feel like when she finally gets sent home she is going to be whipping up some mac and cheese at the stove and contemplating putting her head in the boiling water to end her misery as she realized she just screwed up an opportunity of a lifetime……And I am glad we gotten the name straightened out and I would like to thank my mom (as much as I didn’t like my name growing up) for taking more time in contemplating my name instead of taking my grandma’s name and just saying ummm we will take the first three letters and call it good……if that was the case I would be named DOT.

Anoop – Suck it Anoop – don’t kick us Michiganders when we are down – don’t come on there doing your Arsenio Hall arm pump and give shout outs for the NC Tar Heels…..we are still tender from the loss….. have some respect! So he sang True Colors – and boy did he deliver, I mean with the colors, blue shirt, pink tie, neon green and white cardigan……oh vey…..It was like Mr. Rogers on crack….He sang it well, and I loved the judges comment “you ACTUALLY have a good voice” Seriously I would hope so after 9 months of listening to him – I would hope he would have some sort of basis for being here. I also enjoyed all the pictures of him as a kid, as I can relate to taking way too many pictures of my kids, but I did realize something as I was laughing at all Anoop’s corny dress up outfits and how he hates pictures now, my son will also hate me for it too someday as I remembered I had Brady in a straight up tie today! Ha…..

Scott – 1985 Okay its getting uncomfortable, the bouncing while he sings, the random electric guitar ripping (was it a requirement that the guitar be from 1985 too?), all the eye references (“I can see forever… the search is over”), the crazy staring into wrong areas, the high pitch squealing, Ugh it has got to end. I am over the sympathy plea for him to continue, don’t get me wrong I don’t have a heart of stone, but enough is enough – he was able to share what he has, which is great, but it is time to return to home and get that job as a music teacher in your local elementary school. Even the judges still can’t criticize him without pre-empting with a compliment first…….It has to stop, yes he is blind but he isn’t the best anymore…….not by a long shot….hate me for saying it but it is true…… And Randy don’t just say to him “I want you to leap off the stage” he is still blind, and we have been nervous about that very situation from the start. Ugh.

Allison – 1992 – Okay who feels old?? ME!! I like how her mom calls her Ali-“son” as if she were getting training from Mr. Migiagi She is really good singer for 16 yrs old, there is no denying it – and I don’t know why they were so harsh on her for her likeability, she seems pretty Corny to me? One thing that I have let go for way too long is her style, I have let it slide and I am not sure why….is it the fact that she has pink hair is she automatically allowed to dress like a turd and no one say anything? But I have let it continue for too long no one in their right mind should be able to wear a ruffled, tiered, mullet skirt…..Enough is enough!

Matt – 1985 – who knew he was from Dearborn (so is the hubbie!) we will have to look him up in the yearbooks! He did Stevie Justice last night – I enjoyed it! Although he is borderline annoying with all the vibratos kicking……And yes Tom, I caught it this time – Paula “two words…..standing O” last time I checked “o” isn’t a word……and then the Marionette continued to flail and practically fall off her chair – she is a peach that one…..

Adam – well for those of you who caught it, I am sorry. He sang Mad World – which I actually had to get online to figure out what it was and why the F would Simon give him a Standing O – I don’t think Simon has ever gotten out of his chair before – Tears for Fears – apparently he stripped it down to a gay slow version of a terrible song to begin with. It was like listening to a four year old toddler whine for about 3 minutes straight. I wanted to yell at him and put him in a time out! Also wondering why Adam gets special treatment I mean every other contestant had some white lighting but when Adam got out there he straight up had blue laser beams sparkling down on the stage, can we please not make it so obvious who they are trying to carve out as the winner…..at least make the competition interesting…….And my final word for you Adam is there is a little known rule we all try to live by and it is…..you don’t wear white pants prior to Memorial Day.

Bottom three – Scott/Lil/Allison(not that I agree with it) – Scott to go home (in my eyes) but secretly I think it will be Lil.

Munson out…….