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Seriously what does Fox think I am supposed to do with all my extra time? An hour an a half is all I had to commit last night – I am not sure how I feel about this….. what do they want me to do? Actually converse with my husband? Actually prepare for the next morning so it isn’t a total cluster? Actually do something productive…..how dare you FOX….shame on you!

Okay so first and foremost – did anyone catch David Spade sitting behind Randy Jackson last night…..okay I might get off target here but so be it…..I don’t get this little munchkin, he is getting more tail than I care to think about it – what do girls (insert Heather Locklear and Nicolette Sheridan here) see in this guy he is about 4 foot 2 and has creepy, inappropriate wind blowing hair and a gross foo man chu stache. Last night I caught him actually booing and getting really riled up over the judge’s comments – really?? booing and an actual “thumbs down” gesture – David I am embarrassed for you and don’t appreciate you preying on the young starlettes on stage go back to black book and continue banging every blonde with dark black roots that is over the age of 50 that lives in the Hollywood Hills…….Yuck. And then seated next to my little Joe Dirt was another popular star one Harry Hamlin – WOW FOX is really pulling out all the punches when they do their celebrity scanning across the audience…….I am impressed.

Judges:
Randy – does anyone really care that he is here this year – he seems more worthless (if that is even possible) than last year. And great now he is jumping on the Sally Jesse red frame bandwagon – enough of the square shaped frames, someone change it up go old school, what happened to the big plastic frames that were presented to us in “Working Girl” that Melanie Griffith made me go out and purchase the next week?

Simon – now I haven’t spent much time on Simon – I mean you can only rip on a BVD white T for so long, but last night as the judges walked out and the blue light glimmered upon his high top fade – Chris and I couldn’t believe the right angles this square little haircut was portraying……I mean from the back (yes we freeze framed it) it looks like a box of cereal, what is going on and why must he not make it so Jazzy Jeff from 1987?

Paula not much to say other than why did she randomly have a pink and purple chandelier hanging from both her neck and ears last night?

Let’s roll…..

Anoop – okay Usher – I was excited for him to turn that mutha out last night and NO GO……Usher is known for his stage performances – he is a dance mogul (haha) and Anoop didn’t deliver the goods – I mean let’s face it – it’s not like this is an amazing song but Usher does it justice with his moves and enthusiasm…..Anoop, nada. I was more “caught up” in the chain that was dangling from one left shoulder, interesting choice.

Megan – OVER OVER OVER it……..Megan pack your hot a** up and head back to single mommy Ville. You are dunzo. She is so forcing this jazzy voice upon us even when it doesn’t’ apply – case in point last night. She seemed much undecided last night – The Song: I guess I will do one that I love, but don’t sound very good singing it. The necklaces: I can’t decide which one to wear so I shall wear all 18 of them. The hair: I want it pulled back – uh wait I think “the tail” is coming back leave one long braid down the side out. She was a total hot mess last night and I will be happy to see her go.

Danny – Excuse me while I take a break to remind myself to go by Kleenex to replace my supply I used last night. What do you think you are doing to us Mr. Gookey? We all know your wife passed away not too long ago and then you go ahead and sing a song that blurts out “what hurts the most” every 30 seconds. We feel your pain and I must congratulate you on working the sympathy vote, not that you need it you have a great voice, but it was sort of like Scott singing, “I can see clearly now….the rain has gone….I can see all obstacles in my way” low blow dude.

Allison – OK warning you WILL feel old after this little nugget – so she sang No Doubt, one of my favs, and said she “grew up” listening to it, now Chris figured out she was 3 when that song came out, and as I typed that another veracious vein popped out on my thigh. Wah wah wah… So Allison is a regular modern day Cyndi Lauper isn’t she, I thought she sounded great last night, but come on let’s not build up the stress level for playing the guitar in this performance when she literally strummed it three times and then wore it on her back the remainder of the song. And yes the outfit was straight up ridiculous, but it has been for 4 months now, why are they just picking it apart now? It would be more odd if she came out in a blouse and slacks (which by the way she has no idea what those two items are!) and I do…wah wah wah.

Scott – I also think he sounded the best he has since this thing started last night, but I am going to say he still needs to go – he can’t compete with the others at this point. I also don’t think he is being treated fairly, I mean is it really fair to use a Richard Marx’s headshot to style his hair? I think not. He almost had a full on Kentucky waterfall kicking last night, ugh they just can’t get it right. So much for keeping your friends close and your enemies closer. And I am SO glad Paula is proud of him, not for his challenge, but because forgetting his challenge…..thank you Ms. Abdul for being so clear and concise.

Matt – wah wah wah…..ugh the Coldplay esque keyboard performance was SO LAME! He sounded shaky and uncertain and I was really sad for him. I think this kid has talent but he has nothing to draw the folks in – he is a bit shy and stand offish….so I don’t think people like him, as well they shouldn’t after last night.

Lil – I actually liked the wig, but I kept thinking she reminded me of Gayle King, Oprah’s secretive gay lover. She sounded amazing last night – old song or not she was good. Now I know I have mentioned it before and I hate to be obsessed with it, but that backseat of hers is something special I tell you – I am like a deer in headlights always wondering if it is real or if she is stuffing with Charmin in case she has a fall on stage – CRAZY! And why did her kid cling to Randy Jackson as if she found her long lost baby daddy? And why was Lil tearing up as if to believe Randy would all of a sudden adopt her three children and they would live happily every after?

Adam – who does this guy think he is Eddie Munster, performing as James Brown? I will have to admit I am falling prey to his unpredictability. I enjoy how he changes it up every week (a little reminder of one David Cook) at least it is something to look forward to. I thought he was good energetic and loving life up there last night……I didn’t like how he overly enjoyed his “sexy” moves and over emphasized “ughs and umps” because all I kept thinking of was the story I just read about him and how he was caught with his tongue down another man’s throat, now that might work for some of you but I loose a bit of the “sexiness” with that little tidbit. Why did Paula become Confucius last night……”true genius doesn’t’ fulfill expectations, true genius shatters it” she has some amazing words to share. We should bow down to this oh powerful one…….

Kris – It pains me to say something bad about this little kitten, but please don’t try and have a five o’ clock shadow when you have five measly hairs on your upper lip. Let’s stick to clean cut so I can get back to my day dream PLEASE – he sounded good and yummy still! Like it. I enjoyed that Kara counted her words before speaking this time, Tom, I think they are all reading this and must have read your comment thank goodness you got her back on track!

Bottom three – Anoop, Megan, Matt – Megan going home.

Munson out…..