Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Disco - sucks!

Ummmmmmmm when did George Hamilton pull a Benjamin Button and start hosting American Idol? – Ryan’s tan is getting more absurd by the week - I am afraid for his melanomic induced skin…….it is starting to age him and I don’t appreciate the orange smiley face creepishly staring at me for an hour each Tuesday……Tone it down Seacrest……And seriously when does he find the time in between his 478 jobs he holds down to get to the tanning booth?

Another color induced thing I noticed last night, now let me preface… I have a bit of a teeth fetish, meaning they must be large straight and all must be aligned in a straight row, so this comes as no surprise at how much this grossed me out…..but Mr. Jackson thought he could get away with only bleaching his top grill and left his bottoms completely yellow and disgusting as if he rubbed tobacco and coffee on them for 3 straight hours…..ugh if your going to go through the trouble to whiten the tops to the shade of white puffy cotton than please repeat for the bottom! Check it out tonight it is nasty. Now I was not at home when I watched last night so hopefully it wasn’t due to the TV that I was watching it on, I will verify tonight on my own tube…….

For as much as Disco was the theme last night , it didn’t appear that anyone broke it down and got on top of that funk…….So just a-yite for me. I don’t know why I expect someone to step out in a big fro and glitter as if they were walking in Studio 54, but a little something from that era would have been nice…..

Lil – wow they are really setting her up to get the eff out of Dodge…..I thought she sounded okay, not great, and it appears that she is “forcing” the “be young and connect to your audience” thing…..it just isn’t coming naturally to her. I am sure we will hear the race card issue be dropped shortly. I will have to give her props for her bravery last night – really a straight up Uni-tard? Now I know this is exactly what I was asking for as it is indicative of the era, however there was so much TOE kicking that I couldn’t concentrate. It was like an entire HOOF staring at me! Did anyone catch Lil’s Mom ready to beat some serious ass when the judges gave their review….She frightened me.

Kris – Okay seriously awesome. Loved every minute of it. Mr. Cowell please take note this is the CORRECT way to wear a plain white T – no scoop or V-necks just plain and simple and damn sexy…….not sure what Paula’s ramble about girl shopping and undies was all about – but all I am saying is if he is looking for some grunders – I WILL work hard for the money…..I am just saying!

Danny – Ummm what is with the George Michael facial hair? When someone is caught doing lewd acts in public bathrooms it is not a good sign that you are trying to look like that said person. I didn’t find him as “amazing” as the judges did – Yes he is good – but I am almost getting sick of the raspy groggily voice. His performance was boring and kinda lame.

Alison – Did she “paint” on her leggings or did she actually attempt to squeeze something that tight onto her legs – it gave me cramps just thinking about it. I also was experiencing aching in my arches as I watched her dance in those stilts she was wearing. Apparently I need to start shopping in the adult puffy paint sweatshirt woman’s department where there are rows of elastic and isles of Danskin bootie footwear…..Getting old is a treat I tell you! She sounded good and I am enjoying that the hair shade is going from Pink to orange – perhaps next week we will see the orange to brown transformation!

Adam – Okay I have had it up to here with them stroking his EGO…..it is absurd. Why don’t they all just walk up on stage and bend over for him? I am sure he would be more appreciative of that gesture than the nice words……..I mean yes he is good but it’s not as if we are watching Elvis or Bon Jovi or something….. And the ridiculous look of pride on Paula’s makeup caked face is too much. They pan to her welled up eyes as if she is Mrs. Phelps watching Michael go for the 8th gold medal……. And I can’t really let the peacock faux hairdo go unnoticed, there was really nothing faux about it – it had so much volume and thickness to it that I thought it was going to spread its wings and fly right out of the Kodak theatre. Also the creepy diamond encrusted snake pinky ring is all too Liberace and OBVIOUS to me……

Matt – I thought he sounded great and really gave it his all, knowing his ass is on the line.
I will not deny either that the boy has some moves……I found it entertaining and good since he actually did the “disco” version. So poo poo to you judges for swaying America to vote him off after making a damn fine comeback in my mind.

Anoop – Now….when you already have two very large caterpillars above each eye, why would you go ahead and grow one on top of your lip as well?? I thought he was boring and uneventful – bye bye.

Oh yeah I almost forgot the fact that vinnie neil was there was all too embarrassing to address.....also the fact that him and his girl toy have the exact same highlights.......Can you say WASHED UP???

Okay so bottom three Anoop/Matt/Lil SOUNDS FAMILIAR huh (still bitter over the waste of time last week) with Anoop and Lil going home.

Munson out.

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