I'm all "caught up"......

Okay first of all Usher, I am not going to lie I have been known to jog a bit faster when he is on my iPod, or pump my fist up and out my window when he is blaring out of my car. So yeah I guess I like him and his music…however what I do NOT like is the following.
1.The fact that his body guard needs to stand when he stands, sit when he sits, practically connecting at the cheek when Usher started to speak, pretty much making his presence known at all moments……I guarantee he was hiding in the Piano when he was mentoring the contestants.
2.His hair cut. Why is it a perfect square cut out around the forehead? It just looks stupid.
3.The half hour interview with him and Ryan Seacrest. What is going on I felt like I was watching Oprah. This is the reason that I wasted 2 hours last night and not one?

Other than that I guess he was good and help the folks out.

Judges –
Kara – okay the butthole lips are KILLING me is anyone catching the facial puckering?
Randy – Why does he feel it necessary to iron on a circus elephant onto his cardigan as if that is going to be cooler than a Lactose alligator?
Simon – I am not lying I think I saw his navel last night – seriously why does he even wear a shirt? He should just come out in that natural sweater we all know is hiding underneath.
Ellen – she is looking OLD, may I suggest a bit of Oil of Olay around the crows feet? She looked like Dezi Arnez as he just came home from work and couldn’t wait to get that bow tie undone…..ridiculous.

Siobhan - Also ridiculous…she sounded bad last night. But even more ridiculous was how her body was like a magician’s assistant, cut into three separate parts, Top looked like a Greek goddess, Middle looked like every girl in teen beat in 1985, and bottom looked like Neil Armstrong as he stepped onto the moon – seriously tennis moon boots? It made me dizzy.

Casey – sounded good. I started enjoying his understated look as Siobhan is really trying to go out there and then quickly remembered that his ponytail took 12 hours longer than Siobhan’s French braid.

Big Mike – Sitting behind the judges was uncalled for – TV monitors or not…..the stage is there for a purpose you aren’t going to go to Van Andel arena and pop down at the concession stand to play your set – get your large *** on that stage. But honestly this guy can’t miss – not yet anyway!

Didi – Thankfully the little mermaid held it together thank g.o.d. – I don’t enjoy public emotional train wrecks. What was with Ryan badgering her to loose it on stage after she pulled it up from the boot straps to hold it together…..I felt like he was like “say it….say it…..say that your best friend died…..SAY IT” Her performance was just there, nothing special nothing bad….just there. Perhaps Ryan was doing her a favor by trying to gain some sympathy votes, I am glad she didn’t cave.

Tim Urban – I FF’ed it I can’t subject myself to it anymore. I refuse. I did slow it down to catch the judge’s critiques and I agree this guy is Teflon Tim, nothing sticks to him and I think Simon nailed it on the head…..He needs to man up and bow out of this competition because it is the right thing to do.

Andrew – seriously does this guy own three items of clothing….same thing, knit hat, dingy white- T and a cardigan? Where is he shopping “house of Randy Jackson” Although he did sport a nice shiny suit last night, but guess what no one was in the market to buy an Oldsmobile last night……please stylists take this chicken under your wings……

Katie – I liked her snooki poof last night and Amy Weinhouse bouffant do……she sounded good I think she will go through but seriously the dad with the golf shorts still??? I mean can he wrap up his 18 on the course a bit early so he can squeeze in a shower and some clothes before his daughter arrives on NATIONAL TV and tries to change her life…..I am sure!

Lee – Well good morning Mr. Windy City. I feel like he finally shoveled all the sleep from his eyes and woke the eff up last night – sounded real good.

Crystal – really? The big surprise was that she was wearing heels and not Birkenstocks? AI you are hurting and we all notice. I agree with Simon I didn’t like her outfit, even if it showcased her back tats nicely, she looks like she is playing dress up. It is like putting Ellen in a bikini and stilettos sometimes it just doesn’t work. She sounded great as well – go poop teeth!

Aaron - I dozed off after I caught a glimpse of the pee wee Herman hair and couldn’t deal….he annoys me although he is probably a really good singer….just something about him doesn’t allow me to give him the time of day.

Going home for the love of god……..Tim Urban.

Munson out……